


People Write Fanfiction About Me?

by TerminalMiraculosis



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Marinette reads fanfiction about herself and things spiral downwards from there, Reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-26 10:49:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13234101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerminalMiraculosis/pseuds/TerminalMiraculosis
Summary: After the fight with Prime Queen, Marinette and Alya have a chat about whether or not people actually think Ladybug and Chat Noir are dating. One thing leads to another, and suddenly Marinette is reading slow-burn romance fics about her and Chat, feeling very uncomfortable about the whole ordeal. Then she reads one particular story, and things quickly become infinitely more complicated.





	1. All Good Stories Need a Twist

**Author's Note:**

> It's a new year, and part of my resolution is to continue posting my writing for an actual audience, so here I am! This fic is five chapters long and already written; it'll be posted one chapter a day, ending on Friday, unless something goes horribly wrong.
> 
> I've had this idea sitting around for a while, but it wasn't really until I read [Fanboy](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9251936/chapters/20974763) by [urbangurl123](http://archiveofourown.org/users/urbangurl123/pseuds/urbangurl123) that I considered this sort of thing could really work. I wouldn't say this fic is based off that one or anything, because it takes the core concept in a very different direction, but it's a great fic and you should give it a read sometime.
> 
> Also, special thanks to Abigail for editing this for me.

**1\. All Good Stories Need a Twist**

Marinette plopped into her seat with a pained sigh.

Alya smirked. “Well, you look exhausted, as per usual.”

“Let’s just say I had a long night.” Boy, if _that_ wasn’t the understatement of the century! Marinette had been up on her computer far past her bedtime, watching in horror as the rumors from Nadia’s interview began to spread and spread and spread. 

Alya crossed her arms. “Girl, I was tied up, locked inside a coffin, and nearly pushed into the Seine, but you don’t see me complaining.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that. How many times has an akuma captured you by now?”

“You _forgot_ about it?” Alya threw her arms wide. “It’s all anyone’s talking about! Well, more about the fact that Ladybug and Chat are totally dating, but whatever.”

Marinette tensed. “W-what? But we—I mean—in the interview, they said they weren’t dating!”

“Sure, that’s what their _mouths_ were saying. But their _eyes_ —that’s a whole different story.”

“Alya, come on! You’re just seeing what you want to see.”

“You didn’t even watch the interview, girl! Trust me, if you were there, you’d be agreeing with me right now.”

_But I_ was _there!_ Marinette screamed in her head. Outwardly, she just huffed. “No way. You’re always jumping to conclusions, Alya! Remember when you thought Chloé was Ladybug?”

“Ugh, don’t bring that up!” Alya said, rolling her eyes. _“So_ embarrassing. But this is different. I hate to break it to you, but you’re in the minority here, Mari.”

“Wait, what?”

But before Alya could respond, Mme. Bustier called for the class the settle down so they could start. Alya waved her phone at Marinette, mouthing something she assumed was “Text you after class.”

* * *

The long-awaited text arrived as Marinette was laying on her chaise, doodling out some new designs in her sketchbook. Her phone vibrated in her back pocket, making her jump and strike a harsh line straight through the bodice of one of her dresses. She swore under her breath and allowed herself a brief moment of fury before composing herself and looking at her phone. 

Alya had sent her a single, foreboding link: ladynoirfanfics.net/stories/

“Oh, god,” Marinette mumbled. No _way._ She’d known that people liked to write fanfiction about celebrities sometimes, but it’d never even crossed her mind that they’d write about her. And Chat.

Oh, god, her _and Chat._ Alya hadn’t been kidding. Marinette pulled a face.

Bracing herself, she suppressed her survival instincts and clicked the link. Immediately, she was bombarded with a wall of fanfiction:

 

_Spotted Moon_ by TheChatsMeow123  
Ladybug x Chat Noir

Paris’s superheroes stay up late and watch the stars together. (Just wanted to write some fluff lol)

 

Marinette hummed to herself in contemplation. That could actually be really sweet, if it were about anyone else. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

 

_Gone With the Butterfly_ by ChristieRedd  
Ladybug x Chat Noir

They’d done it. They’d beaten Hawk Moth, and they’d saved Paris. And Chat was never going to see Ladybug again.  
And it was killing him.

 

_Oh, god! No! That’s terrible!_ Marinette frowned. What if that happened, though? What if they never learned each other’s identities? What then? No, surely they would stay in contact, right? Ugh! She shouldn’t be letting this stupid fanfiction get to her!

 

_Ladybug and Chat Make Out a Bunch_ by SuckMyHawkmoth69  
Ladybug x Chat Noir

On top of the Eiffel Tower, hanging upside down on LB’s yoyo, while falling out of a helicopter; you name it! 100% self indulgent but that’s what we’re here for right folks ;)

 

Marinette stuck out her tongue and kept scrolling.

 

_Caught_ by SummerButterfly  
Ladybug x Chat Noir

Markus Lavert, famous reporter, captures a photo of Ladybug at the worst possible moment, setting Paris ablaze and putting our heroine in a sticky situation. But when she’s at her most vulnerable, Chat sacrifices everything to help her.

 

Marinette sighed. Far too many of these were hitting close to home. She guessed she could sort of see the appeal; she hadn’t fully realized the potential for drama in her life, and if she wasn’t so creeped out by them all, she might’ve actually read a few. Even so, it weirded her out how many people wanted her and Chat to be a couple. And least she hadn’t seen anything too risque yet.

 

[M] _Chat’s a Pussy when it comes to Pussy_ by SqullyBawdess  
Ladybug x Chat Noir

The duo has just finished a particularly stressful akuma attack when Chat decides to turn up the heat—but it turns out he can’t finish what he starts. Fortunately, Ladybug’s happy to give him a push (in more ways than one).

 

Marinette closed the tab, threw her phone across the room, grabbed her cat pillow, stuffed her face into it, and screamed for all she was worth.

Tikki zipped up to her with wide eyes and a small frown. “Marinette, is everything alright?”

Marinette lowered the pillow just quickly enough to bark out, “I’m not having sex with Chat Noir!”

Tikki’s eyes grew even wider, now taking up approximately eight-five percent of her face. “Oh my. So… Wait. Are you screaming because that’s true and you don’t want it to be, or because it’s not true but you do want it to be?”

“What? No! Neither!” She stuffed her face back into the pillow.

Tikki stalled in the air for a bit, unsure of what to do. Eventually, she decided to just pat Marinette reassuringly on the back of her head; the girl whined in appreciation.

* * *

**The Next Day**

Marinette stormed into the classroom, honing in on Alya. She was so absorbed in her mission that she didn’t even stop to smile at Adrien—at _Adrien!_

“Alya!” she hissed, quiet enough that nobody else could hear. “Why’d you send me that link?! I don’t want to read about Ladybug and Chat having sex! That’s disgusting!”

At least Alya had the decency to look ashamed. “Oops, sorry, girl. That’s my bad for sending you to the home page. Here, I’ll just send you my favorite—”

“No! Alya, I’m not reading _any_ fanfiction about them! It’s too weird.”

“Oh, come on, Marinette. Give it a chance!” Alya poked around on her phone a bit. “It’s called ‘Starclawsed,’ and it’s a really sweet slow burn romance fic. I know what kind of books you read, and I _know_ you’ll enjoy it. Trust me!”

Marinette made a face. “Okay, but it better cool it with the cat puns. I mean, really, ‘Starclawsed’?”

Unexpectedly, in front of them, Adrien perked up, twisting on his bench. “Hey, are you guys talking about ‘Starclawsed’ by ActuallyChatNoir?”

Marinette went bright red. “A-Adrien!? Don’t tell me you read this stuff!”

In an instant, Adrien was as red as Mari. “No! I mean, well… a lot of it’s actually really well written, and, I don’t know, I just—”

“My god, dude,” Nino said, shaking his head. “Just stop talking.”

Alya took the interruption in stride, smirking at Marinette. “See? Adrien likes it. But I’d understand if you still thought it was stupid.” Wink, wink.

“Fine, I’ll read it,” Marinette conceded. Her will had dissolved unnervingly quickly—damn Adrien and his cute, perfect face!

“Cool!” said Adrien, flashing a thumbs-up. “Hey, tell me what you think once you’ve read it. I’d love to hear your take on it.”

Marinette blushed twice as hard and made an embarrassing ‘Meep!’ sound. “Of course! Yes! I’ll… do that!”

“Great!”

Adrien turned back around, and Marinette clapped a hand to her heart; her breath came heavily.

Alya just winked again.

* * *

Starclawsed

By ActuallyChatNoir

Notes: Hey guys! This is my debut fic on this site (or even about LB/Chat in general), but I’m really excited for it. The backstory is basically that I was browsing the site and noticed that in the vast majority of the fics here, Ladybug and Chat already know each other’s identities. So I was thinking, ‘Hey, what if they _didn’t_ know?’ and thus: this! 

Anyways, I hope you all enjoy, and make sure to leave a fav if you do! I’d really appreciate it.

 

Chapter One: Honor

Ever since he’d met her, Chat had wanted to know the identity of the girl behind the mask. He’d suggested it more times than he could count—but he was always shot down. So he resorted to attempts to pique Ladybug’s own curiosity: “So what do you do when we’re not fighting akumas?” he would ask, only to be told it wasn’t the time. “Have you ever considered that we may know each other as civilians?” he would propose, only to be told it was unlikely. Putting it simply, he wasn’t getting anywhere. And then, just as he had resigned himself to his fate, a golden opportunity presented itself.

It was on the day they fought Lady Wifi, fittingly; the akuma had, after all, tried so hard to unmask ladybug. But it had been in vain—they took her down. The day was saved, and it was time for the heroes to part once more. They were fleeing down the stairs of the hotel the fight had taken place in when Ladybug spotted a service closet.

“Hey, I’m going to transform back in here,” she said. “You’ll find someplace else, right?”

“Of course I will, my lady,” he responded with a bow, wishing more than anything that he could join her instead.

She rolled her eyes, but there was a smile on her face as she stepped inside. Chat was about to turn and leave when a flash of light caught him off guard—she’d left the door open just a crack. And then it hit him.

He could find out, right now.

His hand flew to the handle. He turned it, just a bit. Inside there, Ladybug was waiting, and without that damned mask.

But he couldn’t do that, not to her. No way. He wouldn’t betray her trust.

So, with a sigh, he turned and ran away, not daring to look back.

* * *

“…”

Marinette’s eyes were fixed to her computer. There was more to the chapter, but right now, there were _far_ more pressing matters.

“You have _got_ to be kidding me,” she said aloud. This wasn’t fiction in the slightest—all of that had really happened. And aside from her, there was only one person who could possibly know about it.

“Damn that cat,” she murmured. She couldn’t believe it. This was… this was wrong, in so many ways!

She clenched her fist. That settled it—tonight on patrol, she and Chat were going to have a little chat; and she was bringing the spray bottle.


	2. All Good Stories Need a Conflict

Tonight’s patrol, as they’d agreed upon earlier, would start at the Mayor’s hotel, and they’d figure it out from there like usual. Chat was already waiting when Marinette yo-yoed herself up to the roof; he was lounging in one of the chairs by the covered-up pool, his arms resting outwards on his extended baton. 

“Well, hello there, Ladybug,” he said, finger-gunning at her and winking. “How might you be doing this fine eve—what’s that in your hand?”

Ladybug raised the spray bottle and marched over to him, stone-faced. Chat immediately dropped the suave act as he fumbled to get himself out of the chair in time, but in his haste, he caught his foot and fell flat on his face. He scrambled back up in record time, but by then, it was too late. Marinette grabbed him by the chin, turned his head around to face hers, and held the bottle an inch from his nose.

“Hey hey no wait wait wait Ladybug what did I—”

She sprayed him. 

He hissed—actually, properly hissed—and turned his head away as best he could against her grip, scrunching his eyes shut tight. “Agh! Ow! My lady, _why?”_

Marinette waited for him to recover and reopen his eyes, then sprayed him again. He hissed again, but it quickly turned into more of a whimper as he tried desperately to back away from her. 

Satisfied (at least for now), she let go of him. He retreated, rubbing at his eyes. “Ladybuuug,” he whined, quite pitifully. “What was that for? You know cats hate water!”

Marinette, unimpressed, crossed her arms. “Honestly, you should be getting a lot worse. You’re lucky I’m a nice person.”

“Nice? That was plain cruel!”

“Oh, pull yourself together, Chat! I’m seriously mad at you and it’s hard to hold onto that anger when you look so downright pathetic.”

Chat pouted, but stood back to his full height. “Alright, alright. But, seriously, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I’m _talking_ about _Starclawsed.”_

Chat immediately bent over, grabbing onto the beach chair for support. He vacuumed in a long, pained breath through lips pulled back in a tight frown, his eyes, large and fearing, staring emptily at the horizon past Ladybug. “Oh,” he said, finally. “Oh, shit, yeah, that, um, I… Yep, shit. Yeah.”

Ladybug uncrossed her arms, and moved them to her hips. At this rate, she was going to run fresh out of disapproving poses to assume. “Yeah. That. You’ve got three chances to explain.”

“Um.” Chat refused to look at her. “I didn’t actually write it, you know. It was—”

“Nope, definitely yours. That’s strike one.”

“It’s really not that bad!” Chat protested, throwing his arms to the side. “I’m sure if you read it you would—”

“Literally nothing contained within that fanfiction would make it okay. Last chance, kitty.”

Chat gulped. “She called me kitty,” he mumbled. “I’m screwed.” He coughed, straightened up, and finally gathered the nerve to look her in the eye, giving her a shaky smile. “I thought it would be harmless because I never imagined you would ever read it and what you don’t know can’t hurt you?”

Marinette leveled a death glare at him.

Chat tried to stretch his smile wider than his face. It wasn’t working.

“Um,” he said finally, breaking the silence, “Just… out of curiosity, why were you reading fanfiction about us in the first place?”

She sprayed him in the face again. “None of your business!”

“Ack! Ok, ok! Just stop with the spraying!” Chat pleaded, scrambling backwards.

Ladybug huffed and dropped her arms to her sides. “I just don’t get it. Why would you go and write… romance stories about us? And post them online? Not only is it creepy, it disrespects my privacy, and jeopardizes our identities!”

“I know, and I’m an idiot.” Chat’s shoulders slumped, his gaze turning away. “I’m sorry. Really. You—you weren’t supposed to see it. I know that sounds… hollow. It’s not an excuse. I just… I want you to know I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know you didn’t, Chat. But you still shouldn't have done it.”

He only sighed.

“You know what? One more question. One more question, and I’ll be satisfied.”

He looked back at her again, hopeful. “Yeah?”

“Why?”

He smiled, sadly. “Why do you think?”

Time stalled on the roof; it was dead quiet but for the faint sounds of the cars down below and the wind blowing through their hair.

Finally, Ladybug turned around, dragging her hands down her face and groaning. “All this because of a stupid goddamn fanfiction.”

“It’s not stupid!” Chat protested. “It’s the third highest rated fic on there!”

“Really?” Ladybug cracked open one eye, glancing at him over her shoulder. “What’s second?”

“Oh. Well, um.” Chat hesitated. “I don’t know. I don’t like to compare myself to others, so I haven’t—”

“It’s porn, isn’t it.”

Chat’s face was suddenly void of emotion, and he shrugged, nodding. “Yeah, it’s smut.”

“Ugggghhhh. You can’t tell me that doesn’t bother you!”

“Of course it bothers me! Starclawsed is rated G!”

“And that’s what saved your life today. Oh, and that reminds me: your title sucks.”

Chat raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“ ‘Starclawsed?’ I know I say a lot of things about your puns, but _seriously?”_

“What?!” Chat said again, now indignantly. “It’s an amazing title! It’s witty and—”

“Oh, oh, and your _username!”_ Ladybug pressed her palm to her forehead. “ActuallyChatNoir?! You can’t be serious!”

“Nobody would expect it!” he said. “It’s the perfect disguise!”

“Ugh, you’re the worst kind of person.”

Chat laughed twirling his baton around. “Hey, this is good. This is banter! Things aren’t weird!”

“Oh, I’m still pissed, and I _will_ get my revenge,” Ladybug assured him. “But I kinda already knew you were in love with me. This just confirms it.”

Chat froze. “Wait, you did?”

Ladybug shrugged. “Yeah. I’ll admit it took waaay longer than it should’ve for me to catch on, but the clues were all there. It was only a matter of time, really.”

Chat just kept staring. “Wha—but—”

“Now should we get started on patrol, or are you so helplessly in love with me that you’re going to trip all over yourself?”

“This isn’t fair!” Chat complained. “Plus, you’re the one who kissed _me!_ Nadia showed us that picture, remember?”

Marinette glowered and raised the bottle.

Chat immediately began to back up. “Hey, hey, wait, you said you wouldn’t spray me anymore! Ladybug, no! Don—”

* * *

Marinette always found it hard to stay mad at Chat, even when he deserved it, because at the end of the day, she knew he was a good guy. He did stupid stuff (a lot of stupid stuff, actually, like launching himself in front of her all the goddamn time), but he would never hurt her, and she knew that. This was just the latest and worst act of stupidity that came out of his love for her, a love that, she was sure, would eventually wane, almost probably definitely.

And, honestly, who was she to judge? All the dumb stuff she’d done out of her love for Adrien made Chat seem almost dignified. And, sure, sometimes Chat’s affection could come across as a _tad_ bit creepy, but she had Adrien’s face plastered all over her wall and had memorized his schedule and had snuck into his fencing locker room multiple times, so, really, it all had to be put into perspective.

None of that, however, meant she wasn’t above petty revenge, and she felt zero remorse and only a pinch of self-disgust as she created her very own ladynoirfanfics.net account.

* * *

Adrien felt awful about the whole fanfic thing, but mostly about the fact that Ladybug had seen it—actually, truthfully, that was the only reason he felt bad. He had known it was wrong to write romance stories between his partner and himself, but it had been a self indulgent fantasy. A way to express his feelings. How was he supposed to know it would take off like it did?

Oh, but once it did… once it did he couldn’t just _stop._ And, yes, that was bad, but people were really enjoying his story! It was a win-win as far as he saw it—he gets to vent his feelings, his readers get to enjoy the story, and he gets some much-needed validation from their positive comments. Honestly, at this point, that mattered to him much more than his wish-fulfillment love story. Maybe it was because it was something he knew was wrong—it wasn’t what he was supposed to do, but he was doing it and he was _good_ at it, and, if he were to be frank, he loved being good at something that nobody—his father, his teachers, some tiny cheese-obsessed god— _nobody_ —had told him to do. It was _his_ thing, _he_ had done it, no one else. And that’s why he wasn’t going to stop, not even for Ladybug. Plus, she honestly didn’t seem too angry (or at least she’d gotten it out of her system during patrol last night). Back on the roof, while she’d been pissed, she hadn't ever asked that he stop writing it. If she really was uncomfortable and wanted him to stop, she would tell him in no uncertain words, he was sure.

But, as of yet, she hadn’t, so off he went to post his newest chapter.

When he reached the page, however, something was up. His fic had been bumped down to number _four_ highest rated. He squinted at the screen. Who had done it?

Not that he cared. He was glad there was more happiness in the world because of whichever new fic had usurped him. He wasn’t mad—maybe a little jealous, a little, but not mad. If anything it just inspired him to work even harder to—

 

_Chat Noir Makes a Fool of Himself_ by ActuallyLadybug  
Ladybug x Chat Noir

A compilation of all the times Chat does something stupid or embarrassing, and Ladybug makes fun of him for it (spoilers: it’s a lot).

 

Adrien almost choked. That username—could it be? No. No way.

But just to check, he started to read it.

Chat Noir Makes a Fool of Himself  
By ActuallyLadybug

Notes: lol Chats dumb read on to see how

Chapter One: Chat is Bad at Patrol

Patrol started just like any other patrol: an excuse to hang out while they busted any crime they happened to come across. But it wasn’t meant to last.

Chat, thinking this was his chance to finally impress Ladybug or something (let’s be real, who knows _what_ was going through his head), challenged her to a race across the city. 

“Alright,” Ladybug said, pulling out her yoyo. “You’re on.”

Immediately, Chat was off, and just as immediately, Ladybug shot out her yoyo, catching Chat by the foot and tripping him as he was about to jump off the roof. He fell off the edge, but since Ladybug still had him on her line, he ended up swinging face-first into the side of the building with a loud ‘ow’ sound and an exaggerated whine.

Ladybug waltzed over to the side of the building, looking down at Chat, who was hanging upside down and swinging lightly side to side.

“Give up yet?” she asked.

“Yes, I give up! Can you pull me back up now?”

“Nah,” Ladybug said. “I think you can just hang there a while.”

 

_Goddammit,_ thought Adrien, _it’s totally her._ He remembered that—it had only happened about a month ago, and there was no way any civilian would’ve heard their conversation, even if they did happen to see him fall.

Despite himself, he kept reading the fic; Ladybug _was_ a pretty good writer, and some of the memories happened to be quite fond ones, even if he was the butt of the joke in them all.

God, she’d even included him purring during the Prime Queen attack! That’d been, like, three days ago!

When he reached the most recent chapter (the fic only had three chapters so far, being posted two days ago), the Author’s notes caught him off guard. Previously, they had just been Ladybug insulting him in a new, creative way each time, but here, they were different:

_Notes: Aaahh!! You guys!!!! I just made it to the third most rated fic on the site and I’m, like, freaking out! I’m sure most of you are familiar with the (previously) third (now fourth) top rated fic, ‘Starclawsed’ by ActuallyChatNoir. (It’s not as bad as the name would have you think, surprisingly.) If you haven’t caught on yet, my username is based off his, because he’s actually the one who inspired me to write this fic in the first place (in more ways than one), so it’s super surreal to be above him, completely and totally! Oh, and, ActuallyChatNoir, if you’re reading this, I just want you to know how grateful I am to you for inspiring me to make this. Oh, and sorry I beat you :P_

_P.S. I’m not actually sorry this is war kitten :) :)_

Adrien stared, unseeing, at his monitors. 

She _didn’t._

That was it. Ladynoirfanfics.net only allowed for 150 words per author’s notes each chapter, but he was going to _use_ them.

It was Friday night, too, so there wouldn't be any distractions. 

He wondered when he'd get a reply.

* * *

Starclawsed   
By ActuallyChatNoir

Chapter Seventeen: Hearts and Hearths

Notes: I just want to take the time to congratulate my good friend and fellow writer ActuallyLadybug on finally surpassing me on the charts. I'm psyched that we can be featured right next to each other on the front page!

By the way, did you guys know that she didn't even _ship_ ladynoir until she read my fic? And now she's all over it, writing that romantically charged piece of hers! I love how she works their natural chemistry and tension into the story, even though it’s a comedy. It feels so natural, as if she were there, watching their love story in person. That takes skill—and a clear passion for the ship, obviously! I'm so proud of her :3

* * *

_“Hey, Ladybug. How's it going?”_ Chat’s voice crackled through the communicator. 

“Oh, it's going swell, Chat Noir. I'm just calling to let you know I can't make patrol this weekend. I have some writing to do.”

_“Mm. Yes. Well, turns out I've the exact same conflict of schedule. Such a shame.”_

“A disaster.”

_“A tragedy.”_

“You’re going down.”

_“And I’m pulling you with me.”_


	3. All Good Stories Need Drama

On Monday, Marinette practically danced into the classroom, brimming with either confidence or cockiness. (She wasn’t entirely sure herself which one was more accurate.) God, she _hoped_ Chloé chose to bother her today; she wouldn’t know what hit her! I mean, she’d _crushed_ Chat in their little battle—totally and completely annihilated him, and at his own game, no less! She was the queen of ladynoir fanfiction now, and she fully intended to rub it in his face at every available opportunity. 

When she sat down, Alya scooted right up next to her, pointing aggressively to her phone. “Omigod Mari, _please_ tell me you read that fic I recommended!”

She smirked. “I did, actually.”

“Then you saw that fight he and ActuallyLadybug had in the author’s notes, right? That was amazing! I’ve never seen two popular authors hash it out like that! It was like freaking WWE!”

Adrien turned around in his seat. “So, Mari, you read Starclawsed? What did you think?”

“O-oh! Right! Um, well…” Marinette hummed. “I have to admit it was better than I expected; the writing was actually really impressive. I’m still not sold on the romance between them, though.”

Adrien shrugged. “I guess I can see that.”

“I just feel bad for that poor author.” She laughed. “I mean, ActuallyLadybug completely destroyed him!”

“Hmm?” Adrien raised an eyebrow. “I thought it was pretty clearly the other way around.”

_“What?!”_ Marinette screeched.

“I just think it’s so cute!” Alya laughed. “I mean, they clearly know each other offline. Twenty bucks says that they're dating.”

This time, Nino turned around. “Come on, Alya. You gotta stop shipping literally everyone you see.”

“Are you taking my bet, bubble boy?”

Nino narrowed his eyes. “Call me that again and I’m breaking up with you.”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Marinette interrupted, addressing Adrien, “but I don’t see how you think Chat came out on top in that exchange. Didn’t you see Ladybug’s killer backhanded compliments?”

“Yeah, but Chat’s condescending tone was executed perfectly,” Adrien argued.

“Sorry, Adrien, but I gotta agree with my girl on this one,” Alya said. “I mean, ActuallyLadybug’s entire fic was based on humiliating Chat, which was _clearly_ a jab at ActuallyChatNoir, looking back at it now. She was going at him from the beginning!”

Marinette smiled. If only Alya knew how right she was.

Adrien’s brow furrowed. “I guess, but that doesn’t—”

Nino rolled his eyes. “Oh my god, dude, I’m sorry, but this is just embarrassing.”

“Nino, no!” Adrien hissed.

“What?” Marinette said.

“It’s his story,” Nino said. 

Marinette blinked. “Excuse me?”

Nino shrugged. “I caught him writing it during math a couple weeks ago.”

Alya burst out laughing uncontrollably, to the point of physical incapacitation.

“Why did you tell them!” Adrien whined.

Nino’s face was impassive. “Look, sometimes, in life, you gotta own up to your mistakes, such as writing fanfiction about celebrities. Plus you told Alya about how I sometimes—very rarely—listen to bluegrass. This is revenge, my guy. ”

“But—but—”

“I mean, dude, the way you were talking about yourself, it was pretty obvious anyway.”

Alya heaved, pulled herself upright, took a deep breath, opened her mouth to say something—and then fell right back into a laughing fit. “Oh, god, it hurts,” she wheezed out in between cackles.

“Revenge?” Adrien’s eyes narrowed. “I’ll show you revenge.” He turned towards the rest of the class, who were busing gossiping amongst themselves, and shouted, “Hey everyone, Nino listens to bluegrass when he feels sad!”

Nino started. “Oh my god, dude, you do _not_ want to start this with me. I’ll rip you a-fucking-part.” He cupped his hands over his mouth. “Adrien owns a ladybug body pillow!”

But Adrien was undeterred. “Nino and Alya made out for ten minutes straight behind the—”

Alya abruptly stopped laughing and, even more abruptly, flung herself halfway across the desk to clamp a hand over Adrien’s mouth. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence, Agreste!”

Adrien tugged Alya’s hand away for long enough to shout, “—Principal’s—”

“NO!” Alya and Nino shouted in unison.

“Fight! Fight! Fight!” Alix and Kim began chanting.

Mme Bustier chose that particular moment to walk into the room. Adrien, Nino, and Alya immediately froze, going dead silent.

Taking in the scene, she pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed dramatically. “What is—”

“Fight!” shouted Kim again.

Alix glared at him. Smiling bashfully at the teacher, he slowly sat back down.

“You know what? Nevermind.” Mme Bustier shook her head and walked over to her desk. “Let’s just start class.”

Marinette, who hadn’t moved in the past minute, suddenly jolted into awareness, as if she’d just been revived after a heart failure. It wasn’t, honestly, too far from the truth—her brain was experiencing some major technical difficulties.

See, she knew Chat had written that fic. But now she knew Adrien had also written that fic. Both of those statements, in her mind, could not be true—thus, the full minute of complete mental roadblock. Eventually, though, having exhausted all other logical avenues, she was forced to acknowledge the obvious conclusion: Adrien was Chat. She was staring the truth in the face. And it was staring back twice as hard, and laughing, and pointing at her in a really rude manner, and she was _incredibly uncomfortable._

She rolled through the rest of the school day in a zombie-like state, incapable of fully processing her surroundings. Only once the final bell rang, once she found herself back in the familiar environment of her bedroom—only then did she begin to scream.

And for that, she was proud.

* * *

“AAAAAAAHHHHHH!” Marinette shouted into her pillow

Tikki flitted over to her, hovering worriedly above her ear. “Marinette…”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“Marinette, you need to calm down!”

The girl lifted her face off the pillow and took a deep breath.

Tikki smiled. “There you go! Now, let’s—”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAHH—”

“Marinette!”

She flung her face back into the pillow to muffle herself, but didn’t scream any less.

Tikki sighed.

* * *

A while later—truthfully, a much longer while than she would report in her diary later that evening—Marinette had calmed down enough to hold a conversation.

“I don’t believe it, Tikki! I can’t! It’s not possible. It can’t be possible. I’m wrong. Or—or Nino’s wrong—or—”

“Marinette, you need to accept this!” Tikki stressed, flying in close to her host. “Repeat after me: Adrien is Chat Noir.”

Marinette took a deep breath. “Adrien is Ch—Chat—AGH! No! Why?! How?! It doesn’t make any sense!”

Tikki frowned. “Oh, dear. This may be worse than I thought.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just—they’re _nothing_ alike! At all! In any way!”

“They’re both blond.”

Marinette rolled her eyes.“Yes, thank you, Tikki, they’re both blond. That helps so much.”

“They’re both gentlemanly.”

“I—I guess? But in super different ways! Chat’s all… flirty, and always trying to be macho, but he’s such a dork, and Adrien’s so _not_ a dork, he’s just a genuinely sweet guy! But… I guess he is a dork? And, yeah, Chat can be pretty sweet at times, but… But I don’t love Chat!”

Tikki giggled. “The evidence says otherwise.”

“Oh, this is hopeless!” Marinette groaned. “I should just flee the country.”

“Oh, don’t tell me you never even _considered_ dating Chat.”

“But I didn’t! I was already in love with Adrien, so I never gave Chat a chance. But if Chat is Adrien then that means I was blocking myself from—ugh, I hate this so much. We’re such idiots.”

“I understand that this is difficult for you. Adrien acts very differently when he’s Chat, so it can be hard to synthesize them in your mind.” Tikki smiled. “Marinette, do you still love Adrien?”

“Well, yeah…”

“Even though he’s Chat?”

“I…” Marinette sighed. “Yes.”

“So, you love Chat, then?”

Marinette scrunched up her face. “Don’t make me say it.”

“Marinette!”

“Guh, fine, I love Chat! Oh, god, and he loves me back. So Adrien loves me! But wait.” Marinette paused. “Just give me, like, twenty minutes to sort this out.”

Tikki giggled. “Whatever you need, Marinette.”

Twenty minutes later, Marinette had more than just sorted it out—she had a plan. Her smile turned almost wicked as her hands flew across the keyboard.

* * *

Chat Noir Makes a Fool of Himself  
By ActuallyLadybug

Notes: This is a very special chapter, you guys. I want to dedicate it—no strings, no sarcastic undertones—to ActuallyChatNoir. I give him a hard time, but he’s always there when I need him. So thanks.

Chapter Seven: Chat is Bad at Kissing

Ladybug and Chat were sitting near the top of the Eiffel Tower, overlooking the city. Their city. The lights of Paris shone brighter than ever, it seemed, and…

* * *

When Adrien finished reading the newest chapter of Ladybug’s fic, he was incredibly confused, fairly apprehensive, uncharacteristically hopeful, and a little hot under the collar. (That kissing scene had been rather descriptive.) What on Earth was Ladybug trying to tell him? He didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but it seemed like she was… flirting with him? But why? She’d pretty much said explicitly that she wasn’t interested. Unless something changed? Or… Gah, it made no sense! Ultimately, he decided he just needed time to think about it. 

He was dreadfully wrong. Walking into class the next day, he still had _no goddamn idea_ what it was all about.

As he took his seat, he noticed Alya and Marinette whispering to each other behind him. He tried to tune them out; eavesdropping wasn’t— 

“Girl, did you even _read_ it?!” Alya hissed. “She was clearly coming on to Adrien!”

He turned around immediately. “Wait, who’s coming onto me?”

“Nobody!” Marinette said immediately. “Don’t worry about it!”

“Wait, are you guys talking about about that author’s note? From ActuallyLadybug to me?”

“See, Mari?” Alya gestured to Adrien. “He totally knows! This is terrible!”

“I don’t understand,” Adrien said. “What’s terrible?”

“You’re totally dating her!”

Adrien was now both confused and embarrassed. “I—well—that’s not, like, exactly what’s going on, and also why would that be so terrible?”

“Because, um.” Alya glanced at Marinette. ‘“It, uh…”

“It wouldn’t,” Marinette said, giving Alya a stare and showing her something on her sketchpad. Alya’s eyes blew up, and her hand slammed against her mouth.

“Oh, yeah, no, it wouldn’t,” Alya said. “In fact, you should probably start dating her right now this instant, you know?”

Again, Marinette shot Alya a look, but Adrien was too perplexed to really notice. “What’s going on?”

Alya opened her mouth, but Marinette interjected before she had a chance to speak. “It’s a stupid thing between us, don’t worry about it. Let’s just forget this conversation ever happened, okay?”

Adrien frowned; was it just him, or was Marinette unusually well-spoken today? “Um, okay.”

As Mme Bustier rose from her desk to start class, Adrien turned back around, not knowing in the slightest what the hell had just happened. Next to him, Nino sympathetically slid him a tootsie roll from the bag he had on his desk. Adrien nodded in thanks.

* * *

“Mr. Agreste is attending a business dinner this evening,” Nathalie informed Adrien as he entered the manor that afternoon. She opened the front door and held it ajar for Adrien to pass through. “He won’t return until nine-thirty. He told me to remind you to complete your homework promptly—your grade in English has slipped to a ninety six.”

Adrien rolled his eyes, but managed a “Thanks, Nathalie,” as he climbed the stairs to his room.

Sighing, he kicked off his shoes and dumped his backpack onto the floor. He was in no mood to do homework right now. Maybe he’d write some more? God, now that he knew Ladybug was reading everything he wrote, he felt a lot more self conscious about the whole ‘writing fanfiction about your best friend’ thing. Which, all things considered, was maybe a good thing.

“Hey Adrien!”

“Gah!” Adrien shouted, jumping backwards and knocking the back of his head into a bookshelf. 

“Oh! Sorry! I didn’t mean to surprise you,” said the voice.

Rubbing his head, Adrien looked to his couch, where a familiar spotted superhero was lounging. “Ladybug? What, um… What are you doing here?”

Ladybug smiled. “You must have a lot of experience with love, right? Being a hot teen model and all.”

Adrien averted his gaze. “Um. I guess? Why?”

“Oh, good.” Ladybug laced her fingers under her chin. “I’ve come to ask you for some romantic advice.”

Adrien stared, sure that his mouth was hanging wide open. _What the fuck is going on today?_


	4. All Good Stories Need a Mystery

“See, I’ve gotten myself into a bit of a pickle,” Ladybug said. She stood up and moved to Adrien’s foosball table, idly playing with the knobs.

Adrien was still staring. This was too surreal. “Uh-huh?”

“Here’s the deal. I may have, like, heavily hinted to a guy that I really like him. And the thing is he knows I know he likes me—which he does, by the way—but he’s kind of huge dork, you know?” She laughed.

“That, um, okay, yeah.” _Does she really think I’m a dork? Wait, am I a dork? She’s talking about Chat, right?_

“So I’m worried he’s going to think I’m kidding, or teasing him, or something. Because I tease him a lot. Because it’s so easy.”

Adrien pursed his lips. _I guess I can’t deny that._

“But I’m not kidding. I do actually like him.”

_Wait shit what?_ Adrien tensed, grabbing the bookshelf behind him in a white-knuckled grip. If Ladybug noticed his strange reaction, she didn’t show it, continuing on as if Adrien wasn’t slowly coming apart at the seams.

“So, I guess what I’m asking is, how do I tell him I’m not kidding without it being weird—because, I mean, sometimes he’s actually smart, so it’s possible he already knows I’m being dead serious.”

_No! He does not! Did not! Whatever!_ Adrien cleared his throat. “Hey, uh, not to be intrusive, but why exactly are you coming to _me_ for this?”

Ladybug picked up a stray comic book he’d left on the couch and began to rifle through it absentmindedly. “I dunno. I mean, we’ve met a few times, and as I said, you’re a model, so I suppose I thought you’d have some good advice.”

“Um.” Adrien paused to collect himself. Ladybug was coming to him, for advice on how to proclaim her love to him, which, speaking of, was insane on its own, but—god, what should he say? “Maybe you could, I don’t know, just, uh…”

“The way I hinted at it was a bit unorthodox, too,” she interrupted, throwing the comic off to the side and splaying out on his couch. “Are you familiar with the concept of fanfiction?”

“Y-yeah?”

“Interesting. Well, anyway, what are your thoughts?”

He raised an eyebrow. “On fanfiction?”

“No, on my problem. Wow, you’re really hung up on this fanfiction thing, aren’t you?”

Adrien blushed. “You brought it up! I thought you were going somewhere with it!”

Ladybug shrugged. “Not really. You seem to be getting really defensive, though. I mean, just saying.”

“I—look, can we just get back to—”

“No, now I’m interested,” Ladybug cut him off, resting her elbows on the back of the couch and looked at him intently for the first time since he arrived. “So what kind of fanfiction are you into?”

“Aren’t we supposed to be talking about—”

“I bet it’s some really weird stuff,” she said. “Like 2nd-person point of view fics.”

“No!” Adrien exclaimed. “W-well, maybe a few, but nothing weird!”

“Hmm.” Ladybug started drumming her fingers on her cheek. “I bet you’re into leather.”

“What?!” Adrien’s face was on fire now. “Where did that come from?”

“Or you’re a furry. Possibly both, even.”

“I—you—but—” _What the hell is happening?!_

Ladybug’s face scrunched up, and then it exploded, and Adrien’s room was suddenly full of her uncontrollable laughter. And then, as Ladybug doubled over the back of the couch, clutching at her stomach, it hit him.

“Oh my god,” he said. “You _totally_ know who I am.”

That got her laughing even harder, but she managed to look up for just long enough to flash him a thumbs-up.

“That was mean! This was mean! You’re mean!”

“It’s revenge!” she choked out between giggles.

“For the fanfiction?”

She nodded, managing to compose herself. (She was still smiling ear to ear, though.) “Even if it turned out okay and I’m fine with it, you should have at least told me. I mean, I know why you didn’t, but it was still kind of jerky.”

He sighed. “Yeah. So… I have a couple of questions?”

“Shoot.”

“How did you find out?”

She winked. “Secret.”

“Okay. Do you only like me now because you know I’m a model?”

“No, but it’s a nice bonus.”

“Then… you weren’t kidding about the liking me thing?”

“Oh my god.” Ladybug did what was, frankly, an entirely over dramatic eye roll, stalked over to Adrien, cupped his cheek in her hand—wait a second.

Adrien saw her going in for the kiss—he could _feel_ the blood rushing to his face—and then everything went black.

* * *

A couple minutes later, Adrien awoke slumped in Ladybug's arms. Her expression was reminiscent of the previous time he’d fallen unconscious in her presence (he’d stopped to make a pun in the middle of patrol and had fallen off a roof): equal parts amusement and ‘I can't believe how dumb you are.’

“So, I’ll admit, that wasn’t the most graceful way to handle that situation, but in my defense, there were a lot of emotions involved.”

“Uh huh.” Ladybug pulled him upright. “Well, congratulations on ruining the mood.”

Adrien’s eyes went wide. “Wait, wait, no, we can salvage it!”

“No! No, we can’t. It’d be too superficial now.” She huffed and turned her head towards the window. “Look, I actually can’t stay much longer. I accomplished what I set out to accomplish, and my parents are going to be expecting me for dinner before too much longer.”

“It’s okay, I understand,” Adrien said. “But, one last thing before you go.”

Ladybug turned, and raised an eyebrow.

Adrien took a deep breath. “You know who I am, now, so can’t you tell me who you are?”

She put her hands on her hips. “Hey, I found out fair and square. So can you.”

“But—” 

“Come on, don’t you think it’ll be so much more fun this way?”

“No,” Adrien said flatly.

“Oh, don’t be such a wet blanket. I’ll even leave you some clues to help you along. Ta-ta!”

Before Adrien could protest, Ladybug’s yoyo was in her hand and she was rocketing out of his window.

* * *

_“This_ is a clue?” Adrien mumbled to himself. Taped onto the inside of his locker was a sticky note with ‘Chat Noir is a nerd’ written on it in sharpie. 

“What was that?” Nino asked.

“Nothing!” Adrien said quickly, snatching the note off the locker and stuffing it into his pocket. “Come on, let’s get to class.”

* * *

Adrien tapped his pencil against his chin, wholeheartedly ignoring Mme Mendeleiev’s lecture. Instead, he reviewed what he knew:

One: Ladybug was able to figure out his identity.

Two: She had access to his locker, and also knew which locker was his, which meant she probably went to his school. Did she know his combination? No, that was impossible. But how had she opened it?

Three: She dotted her i’s with hearts, which was, like, super cute.

Four: She couldn’t be anyone who’d been akumatized, which basically ruled out his entire class; if memory served, they’d fought against all of them at some point. (With Chloé in their class, it honestly wasn’t too surprising.)

All in all, he had basically no idea and no leads.

“Mr. Agreste!” barked Mme Mendeleiev. “Since you are paying such _rapt_ attention, I’m sure you can explain to me the significance of Boyle’s law?”

“It states an indirect relationship between the pressure and volume of a gas at a constant temperature,” he recited distractedly. 

Mme Mendeleiev harrumphed, but moved on.

“You are unfairly smart,” Nino mumbled next to him.

Adrien tapped his pencil against his chin. He wondered when the next clue would surface.

* * *

“Okay, so this is super weird,” Nino said after school was up, looking quizzically at his phone.

Adrien leaned over his shoulder. “Hmm?”

“Some unknown number just texted me this.”

He tilted his phone so Adrien could see. The message read, ‘Share this message with your best friend for miraculous luck!’

“At first I thought it was just one of those ‘send this to a bajillion people’ texts or whatever,” Nino said, “but it’s only asking me to show one person?”

“Have you tried texting them back?”

“I doubt they’ll respond.” Nevertheless, Nino began typing out a message: ‘hey do i know u?’

A few seconds passed, then, ‘Maybe ;)’

Nino’s eyebrow rose. “Okay, that’s cryptic.”

Adrien sighed. “No surprise there.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Adrien said, waving him off. “Whoever this is must have your phone number, right?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t narrow it down a whole lot, dude. Our entire class has my phone number; any of them could’ve given it to anyone.”

“Are there people outside our class who know it?”

He scratched the back of his head. “Not really. I mean, there’s my family, and maybe a couple friends from outside of school, but it’s mostly our class.”

Adrien nodded. “I see.”

* * *

Adrien was brooding in his desk chair, Plagg lazing about in the air next to him. He stared blankly at the math problems before him; the numbers were starting to blend together. How was Ladybug expecting him to figure out her identity? He wasn’t a detective!

Huffing, he turned to his kwami. “Plagg, you don’t know anything about who she is, do you? Can’t you like, sense her kwami or something?”

The kwami sighed. “Oh, Adrien, I’m afraid I can’t recall. I’m simply too hungry to remember any important information about Ladybug’s identity.”

Adrien narrowed his eyes.

“It’s a shame. Oh, if only I had some camembert…”

Adrien sighed and handed Plagg a wedge of cheese. “Fine. Now, what do you know?”

Plagg ate the cheese in a single bite, chewing, swallowing, and then rubbing his belly as he sighed delightedly. Finally, he straightened up and crossed his arms. “Yeah, no, I have no idea either.”

Adrien flicked him in the head.

* * *

The issue of Ladybug’s identity plagued him throughout the night and well into the next day. Every time he saw dark bluish hair or a red shirt on his way to class, he did a double take. He couldn’t help it—he felt like he was so close. Like he was missing something right in front of him, right under his nose.

He closed his eyes and shook his head. This was getting ridiculous; he really needed to take a break. Clear his head. 

Closing his eyes in the middle of a crowded school, however, turned out not to be the best decision, as he quickly found out after crashing into something. He rammed straight into what felt like another, smaller person, and his eyes shot open as they both tumbled to the floor with undignified yelps. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” Adrien said, scrambling off the other body.

Marinette smiled and pulled herself to her feet. “It’s fine, Adrien. I’m the last person to blame you for that.” She reached down and grabbed her backpack again. “Wanna walk to class together?”

“Uh, sure.”

They walked side-by-side to the classroom, talking about the chemistry test that was coming up later in the week. When they got there, Nino and Alya were already seated, talking amongst themselves. Alya took a drink from her water bottle just as the two of them approached the desk. 

“I’m sure you’ll do fine, Adrien,” Marinette said as they took their seats. “You’re crazy smart.”

Adrien laughed. “Thanks, but don’t sell yourself short. I bet you’ll ace it.”

She laughed. “Thanks.”

Alya spit out her water, and shot the both of them a purely befuddled look. Marinette either didn’t notice or was ignoring her, so she turned to Adrien, her face like she’d just seen the two of them kiss or something. Adrien raised an eyebrow at her, but she just splayed out her hands: _‘Isn’t it obvious?’_

It wasn’t. Adrien turned to look at Nino, but he was rolling his eyes and putting on his headphones, clearly wanting nothing to do with the conversation. Adrien looked back at Marinette, but she was doodling in her notebook already. Sighing, he turned around, and noticed a sticky note on his desk.

_‘Still no clue, pretty boy?’_

“Hey, Nino, did you see who wrote this note?”

Nino looked over and lifted one side of his head phones. “What note?”

“Nevermind.”

* * *

“Girl, what _was_ that back there?!”

Marinette turned to Alya as she pushed open the door to the bakery. It was lunchtime, and her parents were always happy to treat her and her friends. “What was what?”

“You know, the whole thing with Adrien before class! I didn’t hear you stutter once! Not _once!”_

“I…” she smiled. “I think I’ve finally gotten past the whole idolization thing.”

Alya frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, you know,” Marinette said, waving her arm around. “I realized he’s not perfect. It humanized him a lot for me.”

“Do you still like him?”

“Mmhmm, definitely,” she said, waving to her mother behind the counter. She was serving someone right now, so they just waited by the corner. “I think I might like him even more now, actually.”

She smiled, letting her gaze drift off. Next to her, unseen, Alya pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes.

* * *

Adrien opened his desk drawer. “Gah, where is it?”

“Where’s what?” Plagg asked. “Did you lose my cheese?”

Adrien paused briefly to roll his eyes. “Not everything’s about cheese, Plagg.”

“Well, it should be.”

“No, not there…” Adrien shut the drawer and moved on to his binder.

“This is getting ridiculous,” Plagg said. “I think you need to take a step back. Wait for the answers to come to you. Less work that way.”

“But I’m so close!” He flipped through the pages. “Aha! Here we go.” He took out the class photo they’d taken picture day and grabbed a red sharpie from a cup on his desk.

“Oh, hey, look! You’re girlfriend’s here!”

“What?!” Adrien’s head snapped to the window, where Ladybug was loitering, waving at him coyly.

“I’ll give you two some alone time,” Plagg said, zipping off towards the upper levels of Adrien’s room. “Keep it PG while I’m gone!”

Adrien walked across the room and opened the window. “Um, hi?”

“Hey,” Ladybug said, jumping down into his room. “So. How goes the search?”

“I think I’ve almost got it,” he said enthusiastically, wagging the sharpie at her. “Nino says the only people who really have his number are his family and my class at school; or, should I say”—he swiveled around and pointed the marker at Ladybug’s face— _“our_ class? Only my classmates could possibly know both where my locker is and where I sit, and could’ve left those notes.”

Ladybug smiled. “Interesting theory. How many girls are in your class, though?”

“I’m glad you asked, Ladybug, as that brings me to my next point.” He held up the school photo. “You haven’t been akumatized. Even if it’s possible for one of us to become akumatized—which, god, I hope not—you’ve been with me for every fight. I also know that nearly all my classmates have been akumatized, so, through process of elimination, I should be able to find you!”

“Can’t wait,” Ladybug said, resting her chin on her hand.

“Are you ready?” Adrien raised his eyebrow inquisitively. “‘Cause I’m about to make this happen.”

“Oh, I’m ready.” 

“You sure? You might want to sit down.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Here we go. Okay. Chloé and Sabrina were akumatized at the same time, I remember that.” He drew two large x’s over their faces. “Jeluka was Reflekta the day this photo was taken, and Rose was… Princess Fragrance, that’s right. Alix was Time Breaker, and Mylène was…” He tapped his pencil against his chin. “Horrificator! That’s right. And Alya—”

_BRIIIIIIING!_

Adrien looked at his phone. _Speak of the devil._ “Hey Alya,” he said, picking up the phone. “What’s up?”

_“Adrien, did something happen between you and Marinette?”_

“Not that I can think of. I, uh, crashed into her in the hallway this morning, but that’s about it.”

Alya was Lady Wifi. He put an X through her head on the picture, too.

_“No, that’s not what I’m talking about. She seems… I don’t know. A lot more familiar with you or something.”_

“I don’t understand, is that a bad thing?”

Marinette. Marinette had been akumatized into…

_“No, no, not at all!”_ Alya said. _“It’s just sudden, and… I mean, she’s kind of been really nervous around you—because she’s into fashion, you know, and you’re Adrien Agreste, she really appreciates your father’s work, so she’s been nervous, no other reason! But… something’s changed recently. And she’s been really vague and cryptic about it.”_

Adrien’s eyes widened. Marinette hadn’t been akumatized, had she?

_“Like it’s a secret, like she can’t tell me,”_ Alya continued.

Adrien looked up at Ladybug. She was sitting on his bed, smiling. _Like a secret, huh?_

_“Do you know what’s up? I just can’t stand not knowing things like this.”_

Adrien’s voice was slow and deliberate, held in place. “Alya. I’m going to have to call you back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to take a moment and say that your comments have been so positive and kind on this fic, and I really appreciate it! I don't tend to respond to them because my replies would mostly consist of me saying "Omg thanks!" over and over, but I'm sure you guys understand how much it means to a writer to get such lovely feedback. So, thanks.


	5. Show, Don't Tell

_“Alya. I’m going to have to call you back.”_

“Adrien, wait! You better not—” He hung up with a _beep._ Alya cursed—something was definitely going on, and it was going on _without_ her, and there really wasn’t a worse feeling in the world, if she were being perfectly honest. Marinette and Adrien had been acting _way_ too chummy lately, and then there was Marinette cancelling their hang out today, the same time Adrien seems distracted on the phone. Was it possible that she’d finally told Adrien that she was ActuallyLadybug? But, now that she thought about it, when Marinette had first told Alya about that, it was during a conversation with Adrien, and she hadn’t stuttered even _once._ Whatever had happened must have happened before that morning, so it couldn’t have been the fanfiction thing. Unless she’d missed _multiple_ things, in which case she’d be real pissed.

Well, whatever was going on, she was going to find out. She grabbed her emergency handbag, which contained a spare notebook, pencil, and camera, and bolted out of her room. In the living room, the twins were fighting over who got to use the Wii next (for the fifth time today, most likely) and her mother was in the kitchen, whipping up something that smelled positively divine. 

“Alya? Are you leaving?” she called.

“Sorry, Mom, it’s a journalistic emergency.”

“Again? Honey, we’re about to have dinner! Can’t it wait?”

Alya sniffed the air—god _damn_ was her mother a good cook. She sighed in disappointment. “No, it can’t. Hey, I’ll be back soon, though, okay?”

Her mother sighed. “Alright, but be safe, and get home before ten this time!” 

Alya flashed her a thumbs-up, then flew out the door and onto her bike. As she pedaled down the street, she pulled out her phone—she’d need back up.

* * *

Adrien set his phone down on his desk without breaking eye contact with Ladybug. She was smiling at him knowingly, a very… _familiar_ smile, now that he knew what to look for. 

“Well?” she asked.

Adrien gulped. “Marinette?”

“Bingo!” she shouted. She threw her arms in the air and exploded into pink light. When Adrien could see her again, Ladybug was gone, and Marinette was standing in her stead. “Took you long enough, kitty.”

She winked, and Adrien nearly died. “This actually makes a lot of sense,” he said. “Like—you’re always leaving class during akuma attacks, and you’re always so confident when you’re being class president, that’s just like Ladybug—oh, and that must be how you found out my identity, right? You were there when we were talking about… about my… oh goddammit.”

Marinette burst into laughter.

“You played me!” he cried out indignantly.

“I so played you!” Marinette pushed out between laughs. She eventually giggled herself clean off of the bed, toppling onto the floor.

“I feel like such an idiot.”

Marinette shook her head. “You don’t know the half of it.”

* * *

Alya pulled up in front of Nino’s house a minute later, her phone ringing. “Come on, pick up…”

A second later, he did. _“Hey Als, what’s up?”_

“I’m outside your house. Where are you?”

_“What? I’m—I’m in my room, why are you outside my house? What’s going on? Don’t tell me this is another one of your—”_

“Journalistic emergencies, yes. I’m worried about Marinette and Adrien.”

_“If this is about that stupid fanfiction I swear to Jesus Fucking Christ, Alya, I will destroy something.”_

“No, it’s not that! Well, it’s tangentially related, but—Look, I’ll explain on the way. Bottom line is that I think they’re dating.” The line went quiet. “Hello? Nino? You there?”

A second later, his door opened, and he came running out. “Okay, let’s go,” he said, hopping on the back of her bike.

Alya smirked. “You sure changed your mind quickly.”

“Dude, I’ve waited so long for them to finally get their crap together. I am _not_ missing this.”

* * *

Marinette and Adrien were sitting on Adrien’s couch together, watching their kwamis chase each other around the room in twisting red-black helixes.

“So let me get this straight,” Adrien said. “Marinette had a crush on Adrien, and Chat Noir had a crush on Ladybug, but Ladybug is Marinette and Chat Noir is Adrien, so we had crushes on each other, but we sucked at it so bad we never even realized we did.”

“Exactly,” Marinette said. “But then it gets even worse when you consider stuff like that freaking love letter you wrote me for valentines.”

Adrien’s brow furrowed. “Right. How did you even know how to respond to that?”

“I may have dug yours out of the trash. I assumed it was for me, which it guess it kind of was, and responded.”

“And I assumed your response was from Ladybug. Which I guess it kind of was. God, this is awful.”

“Mmhmm. And then there’s Alya, our biggest fan, who sits within five feet of her idols each day and has no idea.”

Adrien laughed. “I feel almost bad for her.” 

“Yeah.” Marinette moved just a tad closer to Adrien’s spot on the couch. “I’m just glad it all sorted itself out in the end.”

“All thanks to my fanfiction.”

“I really wish I could refute that statement.”

“You should feel thankful.”

“I feel kind of violated honestly.”

“I think you’re just jealous of my fame.”

“Literally my fic is more popular than yours.”

“Whatever.”

They fell into silence; Marinette hummed, and rested her head on Adrien’s shoulder. He could feel the rhythm of her breathing. He could also feel the blood that was rushing to his cheeks. “So, um. Are we… dating now?” he asked, his voice nearly dropping out on ‘dating.’

Marinette tensed against his shoulder. “Um. I, uh… haven’t thought about that? I think one of us needs to, you know, ask the other one out before it’s, um. Official.”

“Right, that makes sense,” Adrien said. “You can’t be dating without going on a date, right?”

“Y-yeah. That would seem consistent with the terminology and all.” Marinette coughed. “So, um…”

“Uh…”

They sat there in silence for the longest ten seconds of either of their lives, until, in perfect synchronization, they both began speaking over each other.

“Would you like to go on a date with me?”

“Maybe we could go out sometime?”

They stared at one another, both bright red. Adrien’s cheeks began to puff up, and Marinette pursed her lips in a tight smile; that lasted for about two seconds, after which they both exploded into laughter again.

“This is so embarrassing,” Marinette giggled. “I can’t believe I’m getting flustered by _Chat Noir._ You make puns, for god’s sake!”

“Hey, puns can be hot!”

Marinette abruptly stopped laughing and just stared at Adrien. “Are… are you… Adrien, come on.”

“What? I-I mean, they’re not—it’s—”

“Just stop talking. Look, do you wanna go on a date or not?”

“Yes! Yes, very much. As superheroes or as civilians?”

Marinette rolled her eyes. “Well, we couldn’t exactly waltz into a restaurant in costume.”

“Okay, two things,” Adrien said, holding up two fingers. “One, we totally could do that, it’d be hilarious. Two, if we’re civilians, we can’t sit on rooftops and watch the sunset, or chase each other across the city, or any of that other stuff.”

“You mean, all that stuff you wrote into your fic.”

Adrien raised a finger as if to protest, but then just pointed it at Marinette and said, “Yes.”

“We’re not acting out your fanfiction.”

“Okay, understood. Alternative plan: We _do_ act out my—”

“No.”

“What about the most recent chapter of _your_ fanfiction? Can we act that one out?”

“The one where we make out at the top of the Eiffel Tower?”

“Yeah.”

Marinette shrugged. “Sure, but why waste all that time going over to the Eiffel Tower?”

Adrien conceded the point, and then conceded his lips a few seconds later. Across the room, Plagg made a noise of disgust.

“Ew. No matter how many times I see this, it gets no less disgusting.”

Tikkie sighed. “It’s love, Plagg.”

“I _know_ you don’t understand it either, Tikki. I mean, look at them!”

“Well…” Tikki studied the two teenagers, and then suddenly cringed backwards, shutting one eye. “Oop, nope, here come the tongues.”

* * *

“Aha! I was right!” Alya exclaimed, hanging up and stuffing her phone back into her purse. “Madame Cheng said Marinette left for Adrien’s earlier today!”

Nino held on tight as Alya swerved towards the Agreste Manor. “I have to say, Alya, your intuition really is something else.”

“Aw, thanks.” She pulled up to the iron gates, and the two of them dismounted the bicycle.

“You got a plan to get in?” Nino asked.

“I always have a plan,” Alya said. She walked up to the gate and pressed the buzzer. The security camera extended out of the wall and looked at Alya.

 _“Who is it?”_ Nathalie voice asked through the speakers.

“We’re friends of Adrien’s. We were hoping we could see him?”

_“Reason?”_

Alya reached into her back pocket, pulled out a five euro note, and winked. “Studying.”

Nino facepalmed.

There was a long pause. Eventually, the camera retracted and the gates swung open.

“Huh,” Nino said. “I always kind of took her to be more professional than that.”

“Yeah, well, she agreed to be the personal assistant to Gabriel Agreste,” Alya answered, strutting down the path to the manner. “Figures that she’d be pretty… fiscally motivated.”

Nino just shook his head and followed her inside.

* * *

Marinette was in a special sort of heaven. How many times had she dreamed of kissing Adrien? How many times had she dreamed of the feeling of his lips on hers? She didn’t know, but it was definitely more than a hundred and sixty two times—that was where she’d lost count.

“I can’t believe we wasted so much time not knowing,” Adrien said as they pulled away to catch their breath.

“Yeah,” Marinette said, briefly wiping her mouth on her sleeve. “We were really missing out.”

Just then, Tikki flew in between their faces. She had wide eyes, and was waving her arms frantically.

“Wha—Tikki! We’re busy!” Marinette hissed.

“I sense someone outside the door! I have to hide, and you two may want to untangle yourselves!”

“What!?” Marinette shouted, but Tikki was already gone, having phased through the fabric of her clutch. 

“Oh, crap!” Adrien said as he saw the handle to his door turn. He and Marinette both tried to sit up straight at the same time, but got caught on each other, and ended up collapsing onto the floor in what was, somehow, an even more compromising position than the previous one. The creaking of the door sounded like the opening of a coffin lid, but despite Marinette’s best efforts, she couldn’t twist her head far enough to see the door; Adrien’s chest was blocking her view. 

“Oh my god, it’s happening!” someone squealed. 

“Alya? Is that you?” Marinette called out.

“GIRL!” Alya shrieked. “Why didn’t you _tell_ me?!”

“I—this is incredibly recent!”

Adrien, who had a much better view than Marinette, saw Nino reaching for his pocket, a cheek-cleaving grin on his face. “Don’t you _dare_ take a picture, Nino!” Adrien shouted, struggling to untangle himself.

“Recent?” Alya asked. “What, you confessed your love and then immediately started making out?”

“Not immediately!” Marinette protested. “There was like…” she turned to Adrien.

He shrugged. “Twenty minutes?”

“Twenty minutes in between those two things,” Marinette finished.

“Yeah that’s really not much better.”

“W-well, when was your guys’ first kiss?” Adrien asked.

“Third date, bro,” Nino said, shaking his head. “And it was _not_ like _this.”_ He gestured to the two of them. “Geez, I haven’t even seen earbuds this tangled. And I’ve seen a _lot_ of tangled earbuds. And some of them can get _really_ tangled.”

“Yeah, no, I got the metaphor, thanks,” Marinette said, trying to pull her arm out from under something. “Adrien can you lift your leg?”

“Isn’t that your leg?”

“Excuse me? I think I’d know my own leg!”

“Oh, this is too good,” Alya said. “Worth every euro.”

“Every euro?” Adrien asked with a raised eyebrow.

Nino sighed. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Alright, but seriously,” Alya said, “what happened? I want details, Mari.”

“Don’t worry, Alya, I’ll tell you everything.”

Alya opened her mouth faintly in surprise. “Oh. Well, that was easy. Kinda expected—”

“On _one_ condition,” Marinette interrupted, holding up a finger.

“Aaaand there it is.” Alya crossed her arms. “What do you want?

“You guys have to leave the room for, like, at least ten more minutes.”

Nino rolled his eyes, but Alya flashed a thumbs up, and pulled her boyfriend back into the hallway.

Once they were gone, Adrien turned back to Marinette. “What are you going to tell her?”

“I’ll make something up,” she said. “I’m pretty good at lying through my teeth at this point. Now, shut up. I only got us ten minutes, so let’s not waste them.”

They sure didn’t waste them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is! Thanks so much to everyone who read this; it was a blast to write, and hopefully just as much fun to read. See you next time!


End file.
